Transman dating tips

How to Build Confidence as an MTF Trans Woman
Contents:


  1. Want to add to the discussion?
  2. Effective Tips For Dating A FTM Transgender Guy
  3. Dating Trans Guys | Trans Quest

Your guy might already be self conscious, especially about his body. If your guy is comfortable enough to take off his shirt, understand this is not the same as a woman taking her shirt off. Do not stare at his chest and make him feel uncomfortable.

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Your guy does NOT want you to comment on the fact that he has a vagina. If we feel uncomfortable with something, we will either tell you or move your hand away from the area. Understand your guy may not be confident enough to be touched in the genital area. Use a gender neutral word like junk or something else because it could make him feel uncomfortable by calling it a vagina. Otherwise, deny, deny, deny. Turn it around on that person and make them feel like they must be blind to even THINK that it could be a girl.

As the significant other to a trans man, be aware of what kind of people you tell, because even though you might be close with them, they might be more close-minded than you think and might spew out ignorant comments. There are good trans guys and there are bad trans guys, just like any normal person. You went through puberty once, imagine having to go through it twice. Honestly, I hate having the emotions of a 12 year old and I realize how ridiculous I feel all the time.

It weighs down on us. All of us at some point in time.

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Unless you have X-ray vision, the majority of what makes someone attractive to you is not what's between their legs or inside their pants. More likely it's things like the way they move across the room, a grin, how they hold a glass, a look in their eyes, the way they tell a story -- all characteristics that have no gender markers whatsoever. Talk about those things as turn-ons. Use gender-neutral adjectives "sexy," "smoldering," "attractive," "compelling," "hot" and maybe throw in "cute," "adorable," or "handsome.

The same goes for excessive dude-bro speak.

Effective Tips For Dating A FTM Transgender Guy

Raymond is an instructor at Early to Bed , a feminist sex toy shop in Chicago. Women-owned and oriented, boy- and trans-friendly, the store has a relaxed atmosphere that is different from your average sex shop. Their brother site, Early to Rise , caters to men seeking sex toy advice and honest product reviews. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Don't use the word "tranny. If you mess up pronouns, apologize briefly and move on.

Do your own research beforehand. Don't bring up trans stuff too much. Don't ask us our birth names. No no, I totally understand. I've never been nor do I think I'll ever be at this point in a situation like you would be in if you met a transman, so I can't relate. I just figured you meant that you might suddenly think you're bisexual or a lesbian, which isn't necessary at all. As someone who is pansexual, it wouldn't bother me at all if everything else was right: I love that answer! It was dating a transman who made me evaluate my own sexuality and reject the bisexual label in favor of pansexual.

A lot of these replies especially the ones that are saying "No" are basically going off of very little background, in the sense that many aren't familiar with transguys, have seen the unfortunate ones who get a lot of publicity, or are just thinking of it in the sense of "given an option between two similar individuals, one of whom is trans or not, who would you choose? If you're stealth I am then it doesn't matter. Get to know women, date around, tell them by around the 3rd date or sooner if it feels right, and then if they reject you simply because you don't have a dick, then they weren't worth your time anyway.

Also, I posted a little while ago about how to tell someone you're dating, may be helpful:. A lot of the women I've been with would probably have fallen in the "no" camp as well beforehand, but once they get to know you as a person and there is a physical attraction as well, most don't seem to give two shits. If you really want to get out into the dating world, it can be easier to start within LGBT social circles, lots of individuals are very open to and perhaps even excited by the idea of dating someone who is trans.

Don't let it get inside your head--posts like these can be a downer, but the people replying don't know anything about you! Not saying they're wrong, it's absolutely their preference and I don't doubt the truth of it. I didn't say they were wrong for wanting to date a man with a dick, only that they weren't worth the OP's time because of how hung up they are on genitalia.

They're not wrong for wanting a dick, but I don't think it reflects well on them that if they were vibing with someone both emotionally and physically, they would back out completely because he doesn't have an actual, attached dick. Sexual compatibility is a pretty big deal in relationships for a lot of people, for a legitimate reason. And it's not just a physical thing but highly emotional, as NoWildSwimming pointed out. I really don't think it's fair of you to assume that any woman who feels this way has "archaic views [that] put her on the wrong side of history.

I totally agree with you about how important sexual compatibility is, and that it is highly emotional as well. I wouldn't hold it against anyone if they weren't on board with the idea of dating just any old transman. If someone is really into piv sex, and goes on an okay date and then finds out their date is trans, given that the date wasn't that great I wouldn't blame them for not pursuing it further. I just still can't get on board with the idea of throwing away really good compatibility because of the lack of a penis, even if it is more for emotionally sexual reasons than physical.

Admittedly I'm much more of an emotional compatibility type than sexual, but if I get along really well with someone, except for one issue even an important one , then I'd still be on board to give it a shot, and try and find a way to meet in the middle or work around it. Well, I may have phrased it in a way that was more focused on building up OP's self-esteem, but I did not say that they were not worth it in general, only that they were not worth OP's time, precisely because of those different priorities. I'm honestly not trying to twist my semantics around to make it sound better than it was--I'm very firmly in the camp that there's someone for everyone, and I'm certain there are plenty of men that those women can find that they'll be happy with, and who have fully functioning dicks.

Fair enough to your second point though, I could've phrased it in a better way without discounting the other replies, sorry about that. What would be the best reaction in your opinion? I know my first instinct would be to ask a bunch of questions. Would you consider this rude? Or would you rather your date acknowledge it and move on?

If I already knew that you were very informed about the trans community, then a lack of questions wouldn't bother me, but often when someone doesn't ask questions, it can be a little concerning, since it can come off as you not wanting to talk about that at all now or in the future, you being uncomfortable with it but not wanting to say anything, etc etc.

Asking questions kind of shows that you're still on board with the relationship and want to understand as much as possible, which is awesome! I think most well-adjusted trans individuals would feel the same way, and if they don't hopefully they would let you know that it's a touchy subject for them.

I might casually date someone who is FTM but I wouldn't be able to be in a serious, long-term relationship with them. Having biological children is extremely important to me so a guy who was sterile would be a dealbreaker as well. Plus, I really like PiV sex and penises in general. Toys just aren't the same. I would be okay with it ideologically, and I don't think I would mind going down on a vagina, but I really like that penises are actually physically connected to male bodies and that pleasure is experienced through them directly. I like how they change from soft to hard, and I like feeling them change during sex as well.

The concept of a strap-on just never seemed that appealing to me from either position. I can't imagine enjoying using one, and a huge part of enjoying sex for me is my partner's enjoyment, so that might be a difficult psychological barrier to overcome if PIV penetration was something my partner did mostly for psychological rather than physical reasons, or to pleasure me rather than to pleasure himself. Not so much an FTM problem as a penis problem.

And the issues I do have are not necessarily insurmountable. I've only met one transguy so far, and he wasn't on any hormones still young, mostly closeted so even though he looked androgynous his voice was very feminine - voice is a big part of attraction for me - and I kept having to remind myself to gender him correctly in my own head.

But with a slightly deeper voice he would have been perfectly male enough for me to be attracted to, theoretically, and I wouldn't write off the possibility of a satisfying sexual relationship right away. Yes- I had a ridiculous crush for this really cute girl in HS. I swore she was a lesbian with flanel shirts and all but I never brought it up 'cause you know how those things are kinda sensitive, and all lesbians usually know each other and she wasn't really in the circle so I just assumed she wasn't one.

I just looked her up on FB and turns out he identifies as a man, and my heart melted a little bit when I saw his picture. I tend to like slightly effeminate features, so some of the things that might attract me to him might also be things that he dislikes about himself: I'd be willing to try it I think, although PIV sex is important, I know you can use toys and such but to me it wouldn't be the same, I actually like the whole setup of peen and balls and all that so it'd take a bit to move past but I'd be willing to try if I actually liked the guy.

I identify as "bisexual" but really I am gender fluid and would not care. Emotional and moral connection and similarity is more important than someone's sexual or gendered past. This really seems like something that askwomen completely split. I feel really rude for saying it but to be honest i think that a few of the 'yes' answers are because some people in theory would but in practise would most likely not. Not because I have a problem with trans people, but because I like penis. That would be the sticking point for me as no penis means no PiV sex and no playing with it til it gets hard Which I like a lot.

Then I'd be out of there pretty fast. I like penis, sorry.


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Really the answer is "no", because people should be honest about things like that. Well I mean, it was never stated in the question that the person is not telling you they're FTM. Quite the opposite, even. You know they're ftm and you have the choice to date them or not date them. No lying going on. Oh, I was trying to answer it with the thought Would there be any case where I would? The answer I came up with is that if I didn't know about it, I might "date" them for a little while, until I found out.

But I would also date MTF, girls, guys, and anything that happens to fall between as long as I was into them as a person. I am only attracted to straight men who were born male, identify as male, and I would prefer that they have always been non-questioning regarding both their gender identity and their sexual orientation. Why are you tying together gender identity and sexual orientation into what you are attracted to?

I don't understand how someone's sexuality has any bearing on your relationship with them given they are attracted to you. I have heard plenty of homosexuals of both genders express a similar disinterest in people that are "testing the waters" of the opposite sexual orientation vs. It may or may not be for the same reason that I don't prefer that. I want someone that knows what they want, and does not need experimentation or further thought to decide. I just happen to feel the same way about questioning gender identity that I do about sexual orientation for the people I want to date.

My preference is a man who was born a man, feels comfortable as a man, and has always felt comfortable as a man, in fact they identify with their gender strongly. I never said bisexuals didn't know what they want, I said I didn't have an attraction to someone that doesn't. I just used the example of homosexuals expressing a similar sentiment to illustrate my point. I didn't say anything about bisexual people at all in my statement aside from the fact that I'm not attracted to them.

Although I appreciate your honesty and understand why you wouldn't be attracted to someone who is male but doesn't have a penis, I don't really get why you would have something against people who have at one point questioned their sexual orientation.

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Sexual orientation is something a lot of people do, and don't necessarily tell others about, perhaps if they go through a phase or something but it wasn't important to them. That sounds like extremely arbitrary criteria. I will add that yes, it is arbitrary criteria, but I would argue that personal attraction is allowed to have arbitrary criteria. It's not as if it is going to matter for anyone except me. If I only wanted to date blonde-haired men that would be my choice in a similar fashion, although similarly arbitrary.

If he's FTM, then he's male, so dating him doesn't mean you're not straight. You may not be into his bits, but he's not a woman. I would date someone who was fully transitioned, but if not, no. I would consider them male either way whether they got the surgery or not , I didn't mean it that way. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who hadn't gotten the surgery to have male parts because it would turn me off. They haven't really perfected FTM bottom surgery yet, so many don't even try to get the available surgery because it often just means fashioning the clit into a sort of micropenis.

However, it's quite possible for transguys to be masculine in every other way: I think that's why you've been downvoted - it's not immediately clear that you're thinking of your capacity to be attracted to female genitals; it could easily be read as a conviction that anyone without a penis cannot be male. Yeah, my comment sounds far more offensive than what I meant. I'd re-phrase it, but I think I explain myself decently in the second two comments. When I think straight, I think what genitalia you're attracted to.

I actually have a couple FTM friends. Not super close friends, but I do know some guys who are FTM. One is pretty cute and comes off as male as any other person. Still wouldn't be interested because of the sexual component. It'd just always be on the back of my mind.

I just am not sexually interested. Yeah, I said elsewhere that I might give it a shot if everything else was right, but I wouldn't exactly have high hopes. I don't think a vagina on my partner would turn me off , but my ability to be turned on without a penis is much less certain. Were you actually attracted to penises when you first encountered one?

I thought they looked pretty strange at first, but now I like them, mostly for what they represent rather than their actual aesthetic.

I certainly knew I was straight before I knew what a penis really looked like. Okay, well that's totally fair. I wasn't questioning whether you should or should not date him. If I was single and looking for a relationship, sure. But I identify as pansexual and am sort of genderfuck. I've found several transguys very attractive in the past. I'm attracted to people not genitalia - I wouldn't have a problem with it so long as I liked him as a person.

I should probably qualify that with the fact that I think Buck Angel is one of the hottest men ever - so I may not be typical in my tendencies. Id be totally cool with it. I dont like men simply because I find their genitalia attractive, its more to do with who they are as a person. I date men because I find women emotional and overbearing, therefore I have never met one Id want to date. Its never been because of their gender. Technicalities with sex is superficial and secondary in my opinion.

Dating Trans Guys | Trans Quest

Its easier to figure out how to have sex together than it is to deal with someone every day you find grating. I once checked out this FTM for an entire semester. I always thought he was a guy but he had half his head shaved and part of it in a pony tail. He had facial hair but didn't have an adams apple and his name was Marion.

I even had my friends wait after class and to tell me if it was a guy or a girl and they both said it was definitely a guy and then I looked at the class website where his entire profile under Sarah Marion no less was about how he was FTM and happy to talk about it. I have - this scenario exactly, in fact.