It's still too early but I just know that I've found my home. I would recommend living together for a while first, if you can. Also go on holiday together, and see how that goes. I highly recommend an activity in which you are required to act as a team. Something like rock climbing or two-person kayaking. Slight stress while doing something that requires communication which in reality should be fun. If you can laugh during and kiss at the end, you have passed a small gauntlet. That happened to us this summer, we had a 3 hour backtrack to get around a closure And we were happy about it?!
I've always known my girlfriend was the one but it really sunk in when we took a trip together earlier this year and basically talked for six hours straight. The vacation was the most relaxing one I've ever been on - even with her having some health issues and us being a bit rushed. Everything was laid back and calm even when time was on the line.
Me and my wife had our first kindof argument the other week this after 6 years together -yes people think that's weird. It was over directions while driving in a local town. We just looked at each other and said "Did we just have our first argument? We cannot stay mad at each other. Anyways if you can achieve that on a short drive, then yes 18 hours should truly settle it.
This is pretty solid advice, as living with someone isn't always the same as seeing them often. But then there's only so much you can predict and account for. It is worth mentioning that often when one partner feels too strongly that way, it creates a dedication imbalance of sorts. In worst cases it causes you to put people on a pedestal which poisons what could otherwise have been a healthy relationship and seldom ends well. In less disastrous cases, it still often ends up driving the other partner further rather than bringing them closer. I would recommend you sincerely try to understand what people here are saying about the idea of the one being unhelpful and that given healthy mindsets, there can be millions of partners you could have equally successful and satisfying lifelong partnerships with.
This is not to suggest your partner isn't already one of them, in which case if course that's fantastic, but to keep you both grounded and keep things healthy. So you're saying there's only one person in this world that you consider suitable for marriage?
Because that's what basically "the one" means. I been married to my wife for 16 years. I don't consider her the one. She's awesome, sweet, caring and gorgeous. But who's to say I couldn't have found someone like her in another part of the country. That's my problem with the saying "The One. Engaged about to get married. Together for 6 years. Im not that myopic to think we met in the same town and she was the one. I would have found someone else if I lived on the opposite end of the country. I too don't think there's a "one". A columnist I read has a saying: I'm willing to overlook his flaws and the ways in which we aren't perfect, because the ways in which we are outweigh that.
Let's say you're in America and you met your wife in, let's say New York? Who's to say you couldn't have met someone with the same qualities as your wife in Miami? Like you said, there are many "a" ones. When people say "the one", it sounds like they met the ONE person in the world who could love them. And to me that's a pessimistic way of thinking. My dad proposed to my mom after 2 weeks and they've been together almost 30 years now. Honestly, I can't even date someone for two years and commit to having the same socks in a drawer so I don't know how they did it My parents got engaged 3 months after they met, then married 6 months after that.
Today, they are very happily divorced, but their marriage did last 25 years which is pretty substantial. My mom told me as an adult that after they got married he turned out to be completely different than she thought. The whirlwind romance made sense to her at the time because she really felt like she knew him well but everything she thought she knew was flipped upside down after time passed.
However, due to the times she "stuck it out". I don't think it was all bad, but I don't think they felt any romantic way towards each other once the kids came along. I feel like their story is important, because it's really not about the number of years you are married but rather about the quality. We kinda knew on our first date. We had talked through text quite a bit before we finally met, but there was such a strong connection when we finally talked in person. On our second date, I was pretty sure I would never feel this way about anyone else.
About a month later we were talking and realized we were both thinking the same thing, and could not imagine life with anyone else, and started discussing marriage. Several months later we were married. Neither of us take marriage lightly, and previously to our relationship neither of us planned to marry. Sometimes you just know. It's been absolutely wonderful so far and we just keep falling for each other over and over. I don't know if I believe in soulmates or anything, but I've chosen him to be "my one" and he's chosen me. We can't imagine it any differently and I'm happy I'm gonna get to go through life with him.
I went through a similar thing where with all my exes, I pretty much saw them all as temporary girlfriends, and not life partners. With my current SO, I can't not see her as my future wife. Got together and got engaged after a week because It was unequivocal for both of us. I knew he was "The One" about 90 minutes after meeting him. He was in the hallway when three men opened fire on him and he stopped the bullets midair with his mind.
I think at the heart of this is an important truth, but I also think you won't get many answers here that address the exact question I think you are trying to ask. Overall, the most important thing that makes a relationship last a long time and "happily" is that both parties are dedicated to staying together and being happy -- and it's more about being happy with what you have than working to help the other person be happy.
Many many people in arranged marriages who hardly had a conversation before they wed are in long, happy marriages. This may even be the rule rather than the exception. My point is that getting married after knowing someone for a relatively short amount of time probably doesn't correlate much with people finding someone who is exactly for them in terms of who they are.
It has more to do with a shared goal and the willingness to make the sacrifices to get there. Also, I expect the responses here will be full of selection bias because I don't think you will hear from many people who are a few years into one of these marriages and having second thoughts.
This is not something people like to brag or complain about on the internet with strangers, or pretty much anyone. This isn't even something people find easy to admit to themselves. People who are happy after a year or two, are not necessarily going to be happy after ten years.
I think an important counterpoint question, which I have seen asked here in threads full of responses is: I read very recently about an observation that generally, people either have "growth beliefs" or "destiny beliefs" with regards to relationships. People who believe in destiny tend to have short, fiery relationships while growth focused individuals tend to take longer to "warm up" and believe people can "learn to love" another person.
You may not be surprised to learn that relationships involving destiny beliefs are easier to break down, stray from, or lose interest in, while relationships more focused on growth tend to succeed at a higher frequency. My belief is that marriage is a constant, active, and intense giving up of yourself. The giving up of your individual dreams, wishes, desires, freedom, pride etc on a second to second basis. I feel like destiny relationships fizzle out because they rely on this passive force destiny instead of taking part in conscious and deliberate methods that will grow and nurture and develop the ever-changing relationship.
Destiny allows people to give up any responsibility they have had in letting a relationship fail. We're getting married in February after dating for less than six months, engaged after three. It was a big song and dance for us. We both had feelings for each other, but I was fresh out of a relationship and wanted something casual. He was inexperienced and wanted a real relationship. I thought he deserved much better than what I could offer.
There was a year of ignoring what we felt before anything happened. I started seeing someone casually, and he chased after someone else. For months he was my shoulder to cry on, he would listen and give me patient, kind words. He came to me for advice on everything from asking someone out to when to hold their hand.
It was really cute. The person I was casually seeing ended things and I was hormone-city for a few weeks. The girl he was chasing didn't work out. We were alone in the apartment we share with friends as a gaming center. There's only a pull out couch, and we had been used to splitting it before, each of us never touching the other. There was sparks all night between us, we were laughing and I played with his hair. As we went to sleep, I started inching closer to him. He also started in. I stole his first kiss. I stole his virginity. It was an amazing night that I will never stop smiling about.
The next day he told me he loved me, and I didn't run away, or any of my usual "I don't deserve happiness" tactics. It felt natural, it felt right. A few weeks later we were jokingly asking the other for their hand in marriage. And then we realized we wanted it. Actually, truly, wanted that. Kept it a secret because we're plenty aware of how insane we are.
For me, it was realizing I wanted to be a family with this man. Everything came so naturally and felt correct right away. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and I've pushed away a lot of people out of my own self hatred. But he pushes me to be better, take care of myself, and to love myself. He'll sass the shit out of me, of course. But I love him that way. Plus, the sex is the greatest I've ever had and I still don't believe for a second that he was a virgin before I got ahold of him. We met on a Sunday night blind date, married that Friday, been married 44 years in April. I guess we're OK, we live full time in an RV so we can visit family and travel.
Didn't expect this thing would blow up while I'm sleeping. No one probably would read this comment so I'll go on anyway. I said let's ask reddit. I'm getting married to you one day askreddit guy. I just know before any answer was posted here. I love you so much. You're the best gril out there.
We'll marry one day. I want to be with you forever. I feel it too my love.. We didn't get married at once couldn't afford it but a week after getting together he moved in with me, and a month of getting together he proposed and we both just knew that this was it. It's both so simple yet hard to explain? But we also worked hard to keep together 2 unmedicated people with Aspbergers respective ADD. Been together for like a decade soon, we don't really count the days.
Met her when I was volunteering at a hospital - she was a patient. I don't believe in love at first sight or anything Hallmark like that, but her personality and intelligence completely destroyed me. Never been the guy that got "crushes", but damn was I into her. Then she did something I don't think I could ever forget. Gave me one of those devilish grins and asked me to marry her. I don't even remember thinking about it. We got married in the hospital itself.
It wasn't a "real" wedding, but I still count it as such. She stayed in the hospital and I went to college and she passed away when I was a sophomore. Although it's been awhile now, it's a rare day when I don't think of her at least once. I met a girl and after 4 dates, we arranged to get married. Her name was Sue. I don't know what it was but we knew we were a perfect match and we were so madly, happily in love with each other.
She already had cancer when we first met and when we were married, we decided not to have children. I don't remember exactly. She died 2 weeks later. She actually passed on valentine's Day. Damn I don't know why I am telling you this Reddit but also I have to say is that I am so glad we were married quick and we had 18 months together. I have since been married again now for 17 years and we are happy but I feel so guilty sometimes because I do miss Sue so desperately sometimes.
We met September when she was doing student exchange in my university, within a month she was living with me, she extended her stay for 6 months, so I had time to finish my degree, which i did in June. We got married a month earlier in May so that I could move with her to her country until she finishes her degree, at which point we plan to go back to my country. She loves my family and I love hers, we couldn't be happier: My husband and I have been married for about 3.
We were engaged for about 3 months, and "dated" unofficially for maybe 2 months prior to that. We did know each other fairly well before all of that happened, but the journey to marriage and our first year was rocky. I knew he was the one for me at about the same moment we got engaged, because when I realized it I said "you know, if you asked me to marry you right now, I would say yes.
I had a strong sense of certainty, partially because we went through a lot of hard stuff in a short amount of time. I realized that we were getting better after each argument, not worse, and that even when I was mad and the butterflies disappeared, I knew he'd make the best partner in the world. For me there was a mix of emotional passion and practicality.
How Long Should You Date Before Getting Engaged?
But between those two things, I really just knew it in the pit of my stomach. I felt like he anchored me. So here we are now! Our biggest hurdle was working out how to handle my depression, because that was is huge. It made me want to leave him during our first year, to try to "save" him from me or something. It was very misguided. We did therapy together, I learned that I needed to let him love me by giving me support during depressive episodes, and he has been nothing but patient and attentive.
Even though our timeline was so short and crazy, our families and friends were supportive. It helped that other mutual friends kept saying how much my now-husband and I changed as soon as we got serious about being together. I think everyone who looked closely thought it was nuts, but nuts in the way that something was going amazingly right. I knew within a few weeks that I wanted to marry my husband. I never felt, and still don't, that I had to edit myself for him.
I didn't have to be super witty or charming, I didn't say any of those trite getting to know you phrases that you say at the beginning of a relationship. We married 1 year to the day we met. It's been 4 years and I'm still very much in love with my husband. We rarely argue, and we are still very honest with each other. It's really quite nice. I met her on Tinder and the first night we hung out we spent hours just driving around and ended up outside of a in a bad part of town just talking about our aspirations, our childhoods, and how it felt weird that it seemed as if we were catching up like two long lost best friends.
After that night we both went back to our houses. We still lived with our parents so I let her stay over a lot and eventually my mom kicked me out for not telling her she had somewhat moved in. Stupid move on my part. We spent about a month hotel surfing until we got our own apartment together. Two years later and we have a beautiful daughter at the age of 10 months old. Too many variables in life—the one theory quickly falls apart. The One is an unrealistic [selfish] expectation [deception] that leaves a lot of people hurt, lonely, bitter, and angry. But easy to fall into because of human nature, and culture.
That kind of stuff kept me single for a long time. Spoke to her maybe three times throughout. Spent the rest of the afternoon and the entirety of my shift at work talking to her until I found out she had been up for like a day and a half between the shift we met up at, spending the day with me, then work again, so I used the excuse to bring her red bull to visit her at her place. I was having issues with my roommate so I convinced my landlord to let me break my lease and moved in with her by the end of the month.
I had already been spending every day there since bringing over the Red Bull anyways so it was mostly just my big furniture. I was hooked on her when we stopped by her place during the first day we re-met. I had originally driven with a friend to her and my friends workplace, but I rode with her to her place.
Want to add to the discussion?
Like you mentioned, it just feels right. And like others have suggested, all relationships are different. Find support, ask questions, swap stories, and follow brides planning real weddings here on Weddingbee. Closed Who got engaged at a year or less of dating? March I want to know: So, yea, tell me your stories! Oh and if you lived together before getting engaged BF and I just moved in together.
Dell79 7 years ago Wedding: GeekChic 7 years ago Fiance and I got engaged a little over a year after we started dating. January My sister and Brother-In-Law got engaged at 20, after dating a year, plus that whole year they were LDR because he was deployed. When we got married we had only known each other for 10 months!
Other friends mentioned it casually but seemed happy enough with our explanations. Iloveyourlovethemost 7 years ago Wedding: June My Fiance proposed a week shy of our one year anniversary…when you know, you know! HappilyEverAfter54 7 years ago Wedding: June My Fiance proposed after 10 months being together. We started dating a week after we met. We are both August We dated for a year and a month before we got engaged. April Sometimes when you know, you just know.
Go with your gut! CorkyB 7 years ago Wedding: January Great question! And generally, that can happen in a year You want to have some problems emerge and see how you deal with problems together. For me, it's more about the range of experiences that lend themselves to compatibility rather than the amount of time. Tammy Nelson , PhD, licensed relationship therapist, board-certified sexologist and author of The New Monogamy and Getting the Sex You Want , also believes that while each couple's situation is different, it's most important to learn how to communicate when you have a conflict, rather than focus on the time frame.
Sometimes this is different for each partner, and if it is not significantly discussed in a very explicit way, it can lead to misunderstandings. This lasts anywhere from 2 days to 26 months, and then the couple will enter into the power struggle or the conflict phase of their relationship. This is natural and probably will last the rest of your marriage, or forever the bad news.