What do you do when your ex is dating your friend

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Contents:


  1. 3 Ways to Deal when an Ex Dates a Friend - wikiHow
  2. 1. Ask for Respect
  3. 6 questions you should ask if you want to date your ex's friend

If you feel angry or betrayed, make sure that your friend knows but make sure not to lose your cool. An honest conversation will make you feel better and give them a better understanding of where you stand. I'm still not over him. Ask your friend to avoid talking about the relationship around you.


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  • So your friend just started dating your ex. Here's how to deal - HelloGiggles.

Speak to your friend and ask them to avoid talking about their new relationship if possible. This may help you maintain the friendship and could make you feel better about the situation. Would you mind avoiding talking about her for right now? If you get over the past relationship, you can say something like "Remember when I said I didn't want to talk about John? I'm over it now, so if you want to talk about him, I don't mind.

Let your friend know that you still value your friendship, you just need a little time and distance to heal and process your feelings. It also destroys the potential for your friend and ex to create a good relationship and find happiness. Resist the temptation to badmouth your ex. If you find out that your friend is dating your ex, you might feel the urge to dish the dirt on your ex or sabotage the relationship.

Ultimately, however, this could just end up damaging your relationship with your friend. Ask yourself whether sharing this information will accomplish anything positive. Allow yourself to feel angry or sad at first. If you want to cry or scream into a pillow over the breakup, allow yourself to do it. Avoiding negative feelings can extend the time you feel angry or sad. Instead of repressing your emotions, allow yourself to feel the emotions from the breakup so that you can get over it quicker.

Lean into the feelings instead. Avoid doing things just to get back at your ex, like dating one of their friends in retaliation. Write down a list of reasons why you and your ex broke up. Think about the reasons you broke up with your ex in the first place. If you're concerned about your friend because of prior experiences with your ex, it's okay to express that.

Just make sure to keep to the facts so that it doesn't look like you're bashing your ex. Signs of an unhealthy relationship include constant fighting, belittling, volatility, manipulation, and jealousy. Get rid of stuff that reminds you of your ex. If you have items from the relationship, it may be harder to get over your ex.

Get rid of anything sentimental that you own to help distance yourself from them. This will potentially reduce your negative feelings and help you maintain your friendship. Stop following your ex on social media. Following what your ex and friend are doing online is unhealthy and could help feed negative emotions.

Distancing yourself from that imagery may help you get over the breakup and prevent you from feeling angry or sad at the situation. You don't have to block your ex, but you can if it makes you feel better. Take a break from seeing your friend. Stop calling, texting, and asking to hang out with your friend.


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If you need to see them every day because you go to the same school or job, have a conversation with them so that they aren't confused as to why you stopped hanging out with them. Distancing yourself from the new relationship may prevent you from getting jealous or angry. If negative feelings are still prevalent in your mind, it may be best to avoid both of them until you feel better about it.

I still want the best for you, so I think I need a break from hanging out with both of you.

3 Ways to Deal when an Ex Dates a Friend - wikiHow

I hope you can understand that. However, remember that your friend and your ex are both separate people from you, and that their relationships are their own. Focus on being the best person you can be. Trust in your own worth, and abilities. Focus on having this episode in your life become the moment you changed for the better, not on how you might ingratiate yourself with a bunch of back-stabbing a-holes who care nothing for you.

This is a situation I've found myself on all sides of over the years. The times I found myself in your position, there was usually the instinct to think and sometimes say:. It hurts to feel rejected by a partner, it hurts more when your friend " betrays " you and starts seeing your ex. I know how that feels and I know it sucks. Even if your friend had come to you first and told you about their intentions, it still hurts.

1. Ask for Respect

It's easy to say that if they had done things this way, or that way, it would hurt less, but in my experience it doesn't. Having been in the others roles of this situation, I can tell you that they didn't do that to you. They most likely got together the way most couples do, and that didn't really have anything to do with you.

They're not dating to hurt you, they're dating because they like each other. My issue is that given our history, I have no idea what my appropriate attitude should be towards them and how to interact with them when it comes to it. What would be a mature way to handle it, without me looking like a beaten dog? I know that's hard to hear right now, I hated hearing it too, and I hated saying it more.

6 questions you should ask if you want to date your ex's friend

Realistically it's all you can do if you want to have any sort of peaceful relationship with these people. Also, being happy for them and moving on shows that you're not a "beaten dog" It shows that you're strong enough to not let this stuff get to you. It takes a lot of strength to carry on after a hard breakup, and it's better try to do it gracefully.

Being happy for them shows that you're confident, and ok with your self as much as it says that you're ok with them. One of the key ingredients in any healthy relationship be it business, friendship, or romance, is Trust. When your friend violated the ideal that you listed he destroyed your trust in him. This is extremely damaging to a relationship. If these two had been honest and had wanted to not betray you they would have A told you they were going to date each other.

B she would have broken up with you before sleeping with someone else. I have to applaud your forgiving attitude towards your girlfriends initially. It takes a lot of effort and courage to forgive betrayals like you suffered. I'm sorry that you are going through this.

Thanks Betch

Don't hang out with either of them. If they show up at a party, just say hi and go find someone else to talk too. Don't invite them to anything you plan. If any one asks why you are treating them this way tell them something along the lines of, "They betrayed my trust. I will be polite to them, But I have no desire to be around them. Try this on for size. You are presuming that Mike owed you some sort of interaction about this, and you are disappointed you didn't get it. Ok, now you also call yourself an introvert. If the shoe were on the other foot, and you were dating Mike's ex, would it have occurred to you that you owed Mike a conversation?

Ok, if it did Would you feel eager to have that conversation? Maybe Mike or Jane is going through that. If there's tension in the room, it maybe ain't just yours. Or for that matter, they could have tension you do not. Some of the tension might be imagined worry over what the other might think.

You can look to the past and count all the ways your feelings hurt. Or you can look to the future and decide what kind of relationship you'd like to have with them going forward. The clearer and more self-true you are on this, the better it will work. And then you can outreach them and figure out where they're at. It may be they are relieved to know that what they presumed to be a problem for you is in fact not.

Also, cut your ex some slack. It's hard to navigate them well even when both of you have the best character and intentions. It's the human condition but it doesn't define our choices. Thank you for your interest in this question. Because it has attracted low-quality or spam answers that had to be removed, posting an answer now requires 10 reputation on this site the association bonus does not count.

Would you like to answer one of these unanswered questions instead? Home Questions Tags Users Unanswered. How to interact with a friend dating my ex-girlfriend when we hang out? Background Jane and I belonged to the same group of friends since childhood. Problem Her dating Mike, in fact, did not surprise me that much. I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because we cannot give relationship advice.

Questions at IPS require a goal we can address within the context of interpersonal skills. First of all, please narrow this down to 1 question, so the extra questions bit has to go. What exactly is your goal here? Why are you asking us, and what are you asking us for help with? Do you want to have a frank talk with Mike about not telling you, so that hopefully things are talked out before you ever have to interact with both of them?

Do you want to 'act normally' which we can't answer since we don't know what's normal for you? Tinkeringbell I edited out the extra question. What I want is to keep my friends including Mike and basically not address the fact of them dating. Dealing with related issues myself, so my heart really goes out to you, but like the above comments - you have to figure out what you want to do first, and then we can help you figure out how.

EmC Thank you for input. I don't have to stay in contact with them, but I want to. Yes, by keeping the friends, I meant keep hanging out with them, I edited the question to be more clear about that. I'll start out by quoting apaul's very gracious answer: They're not dating to hurt you So if you want to clear the air: If the talk goes well, fantastic, you figured out how to act around each other in the future.

This is an excellent answer. In addition to just making valid points, you actually propose solutions with different outcomes in mind. I will probably try this approach soon. If nothing, at least I will know I was the person to go out of my way and try to make things work. Here are some hard facts: You may want to know how this eventually played out. As much as I didn't like it at first, you were right. I couldn't stay near these people.

I cut ties with all of them except one, with whom I occasionally meet, but don't talk about the rest. As you said, I moved, got a new job and focused on my hobby. I am getting better for myself. Often the best advice is the one you don't ask for and like the least.

The times I found myself in your position, there was usually the instinct to think and sometimes say: How could they do that to ME? With all of that out of the way, your question was: In my opinion this demonstrates a complete lack of self respect.