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It's sort of that afterwards feeling where I feel sort of icky. It may even be the fact that I just jerked off at all that I'm guilty about. And I definitely understand both your and MoreBroThanYo's positions about being ashamed about being gay. But I don't think that's the problem at all.
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I'm very comfortable with who I am, and while I think your suggestions could be a factor, I don't think that they're necessarily the root of the issue? It doesn't really matter what TIME of the jacking off you feel guilty about, it's the fact that you feel guilty at all is what we're getting at here. Because you should not be feeling like shit during normal sexual enjoyment. Even if it is "just masturbation".
Whatever the issue is, you should not ignore it's effects outside of having sex. It's perfectly normal to have post-jerk guilt. It has nothing to do with anti-gay feelings, it's just what happens when your hormones change post-cum.
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It doesn't always happen, but it's got nothing to do with psychological issues. In terms of hook-up guilt. It's more of a psychological issue, however it's nothing but normal. It depends on the situation and how new you are to the idea, but it's pretty common for people to have the same problems.
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It's just part of that world and you have to decide if you really want to be doing that stuff or not and if you do, then you just have to work through the anxiety, but remember to always be sensible and safe. Save yourself for intimacy, it really pays off my friend. I am happily still in love with my husband of five years.
Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. The random sex can desensitize us to the finer moments in relationships. The memories we carry with us forever are worth more than a fleeting orgasm.
I have been telling myself this for years and years. Every few months I cave and hook up with a guy usually from a small rotation and feel like shit again. I can't wait for a relationship for my whole life. You're gonna need to elaborate: And by openly gay I mean out of the closet, not openly gay to the guy s whose cock s you're presently sucking, because there's a difference. If you're not, there's your red flag - the shame of being gay that we learn at a young age hasn't left you yet, and the disgust is a residual effect of it.
It's very common in guys who aren't yet out, or are still newly out. It goes away the more you become confident in being a gay man. I'm out to my close friends and people I feel super comfortable with; the people that need to know know. My family is sort of another story, but we're not the typical share your feelings and thoughts sort of family. It's more like we're related and we family, nothing too much beyond that. I've pretty much known I was gay since I was like a freshman in high school so I'd like to think I'm pretty okay with it.
You're not as cool with it as you think. Regardless of whether or not your family shares feelings, you're not out to them, and are still living with at least one foot in the closet - via "the people that need to know. If you were, you wouldn't be having these reactionary post-orgasmic revulsions. Regardless of how long you've known you're gay, you're still not totally out yet, and with that comes the last bits of shame that need shedding.
We all go through it. But it needs to be clearly seen and addressed or else it won't go away. So yes, this is common in guys who are still holding onto the remaining bits of shame about being gay. See it for what it is - shame. When you throw that shame in the river where it belongs, I'm pretty dang positive the issues you mentioned in your post will drown with 'em.
Casual Sex: Why Do We Feel So Guilty About Hooking Up? | Daily Hive Vancouver
So get on it, buddy. The exact same thing happens to me. That feeling of having a plan to meet someone, getting all fired up and post getting off you think to yourself 'thank God I didn't go through with that'. I like to call it PCSD post cumatic stress disorder I'm still young only 22 and I've never been able to form a relationship for this exact reason. The way I'm trying to learn to deal with it is meeting people without the intention of hooking up at all, becoming friends and hopefully in time having the fun stuff happen. However now instead of stranger to awkwardly get away from you have a friend to hang out with or at least someone you're comfortable telling that you want to leave.
However my disclaimer is that I haven't been with anyone in over a year because I haven't met anyone I either wanted to hook up with due to having nothing in common, or not wanting to ruin a newly formed good friendship. I feel your pain bro.
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My take on it is partially a bit of what both ceruleanic and the OP said. The hook up part, you're just not happy with random hook ups. From the OPs comments, I'm getting the vibe that he likes more substantial relationships not meaning like dating or anything, he just prefers a more intimate interaction. As for the porn part, it could also be something as simple as what type of porn you're watching, when you're jerking off, where you are. Like rougher, more kinky fetish sex is something of a social taboo, something you don't really discuss or talk about.
Something like that could make you feel guilty after you climax, especially when you get that couple seconds of post-orgasm blahhhh. It also might just be brain chemistry.
There are a couple articles I found online with a quick Google search. I think I get the same sort of come down. I'm into the guy, things get hot and heavy, we sleep together and then I feel like "what did I do! My hypothesis I'm hoping to test it is that I'd much rather have that steady progression where I'm building up to these things and want to do it because I'm really into the guy and not because its "Oh lets do it" sort of thing.
I gave up on car hookups because several years ago. Immediately after me and my partner, a handsome Korean lad, had both ejaculated and were trying to find a wipe up towel, I looked in the rear view mirror and, even though it was in reverse, the words "POLICE" filled the glass. I was emotionally traumatized. If I arrange a hookup I feel the least I can do is show up, and, in most cases make a serious effort to leave my partner happy.
Virtually all hookups end up going nowhere I've done several, well, maybe over a dozen OK, something over a hundred or more. No need for guilt; wipe up, say thanks and move on. Thank you modern medicine. Sexual images are projected on television, online, and in your own thoughts. For many the topic is associated with being dirty or impure, as if our natural desires were an error of some sort. We treat it like something that needs to be corrected and look upon those who engage in it casually with disdain.
Even though both sexes want it, seven billion people exist because of it, and it pervades Get it? For many women a rationalization is necessary in order to have sex. Just having sex for the pleasure of it is not generally acceptable. Sound like predator and prey to you? When looked at from a non emotionally-attached perspective though, the context of a relationship does not change the act itself. A lot of this has to do with our history. Religious conditioning and control of the means of production have played a huge role in the shaping of our perspectives and attitudes on sexuality.
In some societies people are still punished for sexual expression outside of marriage, and the topic of gay and lesbian sex is frowned upon in most countries. In Europe a much more liberal attitude has been adopted. Places such as Amsterdam have Red light districts where the sex trade is legal and generally considered morally acceptable. Still, much of our thinking is stigmatized when it comes to casual hook ups. The taboo of sex can charge up desire itself because it creates a sort of escape from the norm being naughty , allowing people to be free even if only briefly.