It isn't always easy to tell if you're dating a player. Pro players can keep a number of women at their fingertips without any of them ever knowing. As you get closer to your boyfriend, you'll start to notice clues and feel it in your gut. Make sure to stay classy no matter what and don't come off as a crazy stalker.
If he is a player, it will come to light. If he is genuine, this will come to light as well. Don't stress yourself out too much. It's easy to have trust issues and blow things out of proportion, so don't blow the trigger on something romantic too quick or too soon. So why do players play? The list of reasons is never ending.
It could be because they consider it fun, or they just think they'll never get caught. And then there's the hopeless romantic in us all that hopes they just don't believe they are good enough for a relationship. Players have nothing to do with relationships. There goal is to have fun, and once it's no longer fun -- bolt. They don't want to deal with the real pains of life. You need someone who can go into those dark corners, who isn't afraid to encounter Voldemort, and you need someone that isn't afraid of Darth Vader. Good leaders in this world won't let the real things scare them.
How to Spot a Player (Online and Off)
This is the kind of person you should be dating. Not someone who only wants the fun, without the parts that actually make a relationship interesting -- the deep stuff, the conflicts, the decisions. I often don't like the way couples say "it hasn't always been easy When people say that stuff they're trying their best to say what is good -- but they're failing, miserably. The real point is: All good literature has great conflict.
But it's not so much the conflict that defines the relationship, it's the characters who are willing to face it and overcome it to get to better pastures. You already have to deal with conflict and challenge it. A relationship is someone who also wants to do that with you, to face the obstacles head on, rather than allow the problems to grow You have to go straight for the jugular to resolve issues. You can't dance around at your ankles and hair tips and expect to make progress. A lot of guys are merely ankles and hair tips. Cute, but you're not going through Mordor with that.
He mentions his ex in too positive of a manner. You get the impression that they are not just friends, but still have a connection. He could be dating the two of you at the same time. He may have actually never broke up with her. He won't see you at certain times of the week or has poor reasons why he can't see you during that time. He makes poor excuses to cancel on you -- chalks it up to allergies, says he ate too much food, wants to spend time cleaning behind his television. Sometimes he says he swears he told you certain details. What he means is that he told another lady the same details but forget which one he told.
He says whatever he can to get some action with you; lying is not beneath him. It's confusing as to whether or not he wants a relationship with you or is playing the field. He pushes you frequently for something more physical and is remiss at talking about his emotions or the future. He refers to other women frequently and doesn't seem to have a clear definition of what is a female friend. He may refer to you simply as friend even if you feel like that stage has past.
He seems tired and disconnected all the time. You know he works hard, but he doesn't seem as energetic as you. He may be spending his energy on someone else. When describing you and why he likes you, he lists of his favorite features as though you are a car. He struggles to talk about why he thinks he has a good connection with you. He is jealous of any male presence in your life. This is very telling. Jealous people often go behind other people's backs to get some action.
Dating a player can be a way to sort of push yourself to that point, and then when you're ready to stop dating players you'll know exactly why. You'll also be able to spot the same player tendencies in other people that come along You're going to be such a dating expert, it's only going to help your future self. Sometimes you just don't want to actually be in a serious relationship but you do want to get in some quality time with a guy anyway.
Dating a player is the perfect middle ground because he's down to spend time with you but probably isn't going to be pressuring you to commit anytime soon. There is absolutely nothing wrong with casually seeing people if that's what works for you. The key is being clear about what you want and staying honest with yourself if you start to develop or lose feelings so you don't get stuck somewhere doing something that you don't actually want to be doing.
Sometimes we end up catching feelings anyway even when we're certain that we won't, but that's a risk that you have to be willing to take if casual dating is something that interests you. Let's be honest, dating a player can be a little challenging on the old emotions at times Sometimes we need to go through some more dating challenges to toughen up and build our self-esteem so that we're in a good place when the right guy ends up coming along.
When you date a player you will become more adept at being able to tell when someone is lying. You will learn how to properly call someone out for lying without losing your cool. You might even learn how to do some lying of your own if that's something that you're interested in adding to your life. If a player likes you he probably won't be the one walking away at the end of the relationship. It's going to be totally you. A lot of players are pretty fun in general, so who knows what could come about from spending some time on the social scene with one.
If he's popular with the ladies he's also probably popular in general which means that he has a lot of friends If he's a player you can at least do some looking of your own, right? Technically a guy who's a player can't totally claim you if he's not willing to stop hooking up with other people either, so in reality, you have the go ahead to date his friends if you want. Oddly this will probably piss him off even though he isn't committing to you and might make him like you even more.
So actually, flirting with a player's friends is actually one of the best things you can do. Someone will end up interested in you, most likely because you're pretty amazing. Dating a player is not boring, and if you're generally turned off by boring guys and boring dating situations than it can certainly be good for that. For a lot of people anything that's too predictable can feel boring, which is one of the things that makes a player's nature so appealing.
You just can't always predict what they're going to do. One day they might be around sending you some wild texts and showering you with all kinds of attention, and then the next day you won't be able to get ahold of them. And then come Monday you hear that they were out potentially hanging out with a different girl.
It's not necessarily healthy in the long term either, but when you're in the mood to inject some drama into your life it's a pretty good way to do it. This is okay for the short term, of course -- you don't want this to go on for too long. If you date a player you will certainly encounter some challenges, and all the stuff that you learn about him can actually be pretty useful when it comes time to doling out the advice to your friends. You can date a player so they don't have to With a player, it's always important to keep a certain amount of control so that they don't steamroll you, and there's nothing like going through that experience one time to make sure that you'll never ever do it again.
If you're learning your lessons as you go along, dating and having some failed relationships is just going to make you a stronger and wiser person, and who doesn't want that? Your friends will be so glad that you experienced this. Players are notoriously hard to pin down, which is attractive to a lot of women in the sense that they think they might be able to be the one to successfully do it.
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But, it's fun to try. If you're going to try and pin down a player you need to find the perfect balance between being around but not being too available, being hot for him without needing him, staying mysterious while giving him something interesting he doesn't get from all the other girls, being super attractive and also unattainable even though you're trying to be attained. The best way to get a player to chase you around is to really not care at all, so if you can figure out how to do that you'll be a step ahead of the rest.
On one hand, you already know that he dates tons of women and he probably a little disgustingly gross about it. On the other hand, the fact that he's so desireable makes him appealing to you as well.
Since his attention is spread so far and wide so much of the time it feels like a moment in the spotlight when he's choosing to spend some time focusing on you. A mental health professional might have some concerns over why that attention still feels good even if you know it's going to be fleeting, but hey, as long as you're being honest with yourself about what you want you're free to do what you please. If you're in the mood for some thrilling attention you are fully allowed to get it where you see fit.
One thing that you can get incredibly good at when you're dating a player is your detective skills. The player will always have an alarming amount of things going on, such as multiple girls, photos of mysterious origin, being nonresponsive to text messages, coming up with excuses that just don't add up. If you're interesting in knowing what he's really up to which of course you are , then you'll have to brush up on your legal stalking skills if they're not already up to par.
We're talking more like Instagram stalking, and less like trying to hack into his phone. Such as, whether he's commenting back on their photos or in any tagged photos with them. Insta stalk at your own risk, however, as it can eat up hours of the day. They say the best way to get over a guy is to get under another one, and sometimes it's true. If you're going to rebound it might as well be with a player who isn't real relationship material, because then you can enjoy the simple stuff without having to deal with the deep emotional stuff that you're still healing from.
In fact when you're coming out of a serious relationship probably the worst thing you can do is to hop too quickly into another one because then you're more likely to transfer your old baggage and hurts onto the new guy. But if it's a player that you're dating, it doesn't matter as much if you're carrying your old stuff into the new situation since it's most likely not going to work out anyway. He openly mentions other women. Players are very skilled at masking their true intentions because they want to be successful seducers.
The Science of Love Dating Statistics. Rachel Esco Freelance Writer Rachel is a lifestyle blogger, based in Toronto, who specializes in dating and relationships.